there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
