I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
