remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
