there's paper in my vomit.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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