I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
