just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I love black thongs
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
