Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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