I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
