When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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