Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
