If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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