ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
