Got a toothbrush?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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