I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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