I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
