when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
