Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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