made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
