Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
