I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
