it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
