The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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