so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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