i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
