I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
