when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
