Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
