she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
