He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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