I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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