did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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