Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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