Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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