Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sober January is a disaster.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
