Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How does one acquire holy water?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
