I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
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