I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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