i need an iv and a liver transplant
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
