It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
