i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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