I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
