i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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