im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
