Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
