woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
