and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
