your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
