i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
