Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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