1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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