I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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