Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
