ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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