you didnt know i had herpes?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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