Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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