There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
